11-25-2023, 08:11 PM
Near should be ashamed of a lot of things, and Jude would suppose that urging Jude to push buttons should be included. Predictably the laughter relieves tension for only one of them. Jude realizes suddenly that he would like to hurt Near, possibly very badly. Though Jude spent many years killing things and getting their blood on his hands, it was never murder: it was never personal, and the death it brought about did not come from a place of hate or grief. And doesn't Jude care something for the world, to do his little life-risking cross-country trip?
As it happens with many people when they are under pressure and feeling humiliated, Jude considers whether he deserves an indulgence. He wouldn't kill Near -- just hurt him a little, scare him. Put the fear into him. It would only be fair, after all this meanness.
But Jude is inexperienced when it comes to individual, personal violence. A virgin in the realm of fistfights, he can't quite get it up to imagine breaking Near's arm. Instead, he picks up the other shoe and throws it harder, hoping to do some more damage and put the kibosh on the laughter.
As it happens with many people when they are under pressure and feeling humiliated, Jude considers whether he deserves an indulgence. He wouldn't kill Near -- just hurt him a little, scare him. Put the fear into him. It would only be fair, after all this meanness.
But Jude is inexperienced when it comes to individual, personal violence. A virgin in the realm of fistfights, he can't quite get it up to imagine breaking Near's arm. Instead, he picks up the other shoe and throws it harder, hoping to do some more damage and put the kibosh on the laughter.